Variety is the spice of life: What do you want?

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Variety is the spice of life: What do you want?

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The thing I love most about being a pro-domme is the variety; every day, every session is different. Media is awash with stereotypes of the Dominatrix in her leather and latex with whips and sharp tongues, but this narrow image misses out on the vast creativity and diversity BDSM encompasses. I meet so many interesting people doing this work, each with their own very individual desires, fetishes, curiosities. Every session I do is completely different, crafted through open  communication and negotiation.

A casual mind fuck

My last session was in a studio in Oakland. Yes it had whips and chains hanging everywhere, but I didn’t touch any of them. I met with a gentleman in his 60’s for a no-toys mind-fuck session. I wore jeans, t-shirt, Dr Martin boots and no make-up. We ignored every exciting piece of kit in the place and used only the rug, my voice, my mind, my body, and tissues to clean up my spit on him. We passed a very intense and enjoyable hour with him fluctuating between fear and arousal, completely subbed out and obedient.

All the sensations and visual stimulation

Before that was with a guy in his mid 20’s in Black Thorn, a very beautiful Gothic dungeon. For this session I wore light make-up, a black top that’s as much holes as fabric over a black bra, tiny shorts and knee high black Doc Marten boots. I tied him to various pieces of equipment, we did sensation play on that delicious line between pleasure and pain and electric play. I used ropes, floggers, paddles, cuffs, chains, magic wand, violet wand, vampire gloves, kneeling bench, straps, bed…

Worship and snuggles

Before that I met a lovely guy in his 50’s in his hotel room. Again I was dressed in casual street clothes, and we did the sweetest hand/leg/foot worship session. Again no kit, but also no meanness, only intimacy. He started worshiping my hands, completely present and respectful, then my legs. In between his attentive care I held and caressed him. I instructed him on how exactly to worship my feet with his hands, then his mouth. After he got himself off I held him close on the bed and spooned him.

Playful flogging and caning

Before that I traveled to the home of someone I’ve known for a while. He has the most beautiful play space, and some of the highest quality floggers, canes and paddles I’ve had the honour to play with. We passed two delightful playful hours with me using all kinds of pieces of equipment on his back and bum, getting into rhythmic trances, pushing his pain levels. To finish he offered to give me a flogging. Generally I wouldn’t but he’s been playing as a skilled switch for longer than I’ve been alive, so I accepted and had a lovely relaxing massage with his soft leather and suede.

I was his demons

Before that I took someone through an ordeal. I had a young man write down his insecurities, distill them into core themes, then I beat him with various implements whilst repeating back to him the things only the nastiest voices in his head would say. He listened bravely to these words, worked through flogging, whipping, caning, paddling without warm up, and breathed and let go, breathed and let go, breathed and let go. I was embodying everything that held him back, all the dark self critical voices in his head. I was bringing them into the physical world so he could face them and start to overcome them.

These are just the last five sessions, I could go on and on with very few sounding similar. This is why it’s so very important to be specific about your desires and boundaries when you contact me. Asking for ‘the usual’, ‘just a taste’, or ‘whatever you like’ leaves open such a wide spectrum of activities and themes, all of which I enjoy, but a lot you might not.

Getting clear on what you want

I know that it can be difficult to put words to what you’d like if you’ve never tried BDSM before. Below are a list of questions it can be helpful to consider in figuring out what aspects of BDSM you’re most interested in.

  • What do you fantasise about, are there any themes?
  • What kind of porn turns you on?
  • Do you like the idea of receiving pain?
    • If so do you imagine it being a long sensual build up, or short and brutal, or something else?
    • Is there any particular pain/implements you fantasise about?
  • Do you enjoy imagining being in particular roles? Having a scenario?
  • Do you like the idea of power exchange, giving up control?
  • Are there particular emotions you want to explore (eg. fear, arousal, humiliation…)
  • Do you like the idea of being restrained? Rope, leather, chains?
  • Do you like doing non-erotic service to please someone?
  • Are your desires erotic or do they meet a different need?
  • Is this a sexual drive for you?
  • If you’re thinking about meeting a professional, why?
  • What would you like to get out of an encounter?
  • How would you like to feel when you leave?

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